Tuesday, 27 November 2012

Fun musings

I have just been introduced to a new word: funishment.

It’s funny how one word, or a snippet of music, caught by chance, can set you off on a train of thought, isn’t it? I was having a quick flick through kinky blogs this morning over breakfast (I had Cheerios), and this new word just leapt off the screen at me from the link sidebar of Flipping SpankCakes.

The word forms the basis of a post on Dark Musing, the blog of Craig Aych, a Top from LA. (Somehow I knew that Mr Aych would be American before I visited his blog. You lot do like a portmanteau, don’t you? Staycation; edutainment; bromance). :)

And very interesting the post in question is too, as it addresses the difference between fun punishments and ‘genuine’ ones, the appropriateness of each to a given situation, their emotional and psychological implications, and what the decisions we make say about us as (kinky) people.

I think that the word ‘funishment’ particularly resonates with me as it describes exactly the type of play my partner and I enjoy. We never do ‘real’ punishment, though I can certainly understand why people do. When we do our thing we enter wholeheartedly into the fantasy, we create the illusion of punishment in that space (and I am certainly beaten hard: a Martian would be hard pressed to tell the difference), but no matter how pitifully I might cry it’s always fun; unquestionably something outside of ‘everyday life’; something to be enjoyed. And then, when it’s all over... it’s over, put away, and we go right back to ‘vanilla’ he and I. It’s something that is, for want of a better word, compartmentalised in our lives. Though I should make clear that the compartmentalisation of our play doesn’t mean that the motivation that lies behind the play is something that is kept in a box in my mind or my heart: it infuses every part of me, it is who I am, to the extent that I can’t imagine myself stripped of it.

(I can imagine myself stripped of many things, but not that). ;D

And, though BH and I obviously talked (and still talk) about sex and kink – discussing, arguing, exploring – doing things the ‘funishment’ way wasn’t an especially conscious thing that we decided upon one summer evening; it was more something that we intuitively came to, the natural way that our two tastes blended. (For the record, I am way more deeply perverted than BH). But then I’m sure the same is true of many other people, and many other things that people do together. Wavelengths, I guess.

I am fascinated by other people and by other aspects of kink, and I do love to read (and learn and think and imagine) more about them. Not only because they are interesting in their own right, but also because learning about other lifestyles and approaches helps me to understand my own kinks better, by placing them in a wider context. It’s funny: I was lying in bed last night, half-asleep, thinking about things, and one of the things I thought was that I should try to write more ‘serious’ (i.e. non-silly) things from time to time; write (as others do) about my sexuality and kinks in a more direct (or less performative/layered) way. And discovering a new blog thanks to a new word has helped me with that, the very next day. Thank you, Craig! (Sir).


  1. Most of my play involves funishments. The punishment part is an illusion; a top will call me to task for some silly reason. And, we very often laugh during the spanking. A female top will sometimes giggle as she scolds me. The spanking hurts, but it is fun for both of us.


  2. Thank you for the sweet and interesting comment, Joey. I like the sound of your kind of funishment: it sounds somewhat like an ironic subversion of BDSM conventions :)

  3. I love your kinky thinks. I'd seen the term funishment before because I've been edumicated online about all things spanking. I've never been involved in anything spanking related that wasn't funishment--as an adult, that is. However, in fantasy, my ideas are usually centered around serious situations involving genuinely difficult emotions rather than play. Merging the needs and desires of two people shapes a real relationship. It's a complicated subject beyond my understanding.

    Thanks, Penelope, for sharing your thoughts on this. XOXO

  4. You are too kind, TFD. Thank you.

    I imagine it's the case that more kinky peeps practice funishment rather than punishment, though I've never done a survey. But then it's a fine line between reality and fantasy sometimes, isn't it? And that interface/distinction is unique to each of us.

  5. I always envied people who had funishments. I think that's why, when I write, there is often playfulness or fun surrounding the spanking because spanking/punishment for real, honest-to-goodness serious correction kinda sucks. But I didn't say so. ;)

  6. That makes a lot of sense, Ana. I'm envious too, from the opposite side of the fence: I often fantasise about - no, more than that; long for, I'd honestly say - being in a situation where I was given real punishments. (But it's unlikely to ever happen, so I'll just have to keep longing). The human condition, eh? Always wanting what we haven't got!