Friday, 30 November 2012

Bells and baubles and snowflakes and a pen

Gonna make this little post as first person pronoun-less as possible, as really sick of that Hasler bird and the letter between ‘H’ and ‘J’ in the alphabet.

It’s December tomorrow (or even today for some folks)! Hasn’t it come fast though? Must be a getting older thing. TFD will be able to tell us more about that.

Anyway, been patiently waiting, and waiting, and waiting... but can’t wait any longer, so behold (as long as me not gone and broken anything): Christmassy blog decorations! Yaay!

Thursday, 29 November 2012

Penny overload

Because I’m special and lovely and quite whiny I was nominated by not one but two blogpeeps for the Liebster Award, and so asked two sets of questions. (I say asked; it was more like pinned down and tickled). Here, then, are my responses to the fragrant and divine Anastasia Vitsky’s quizzings, as tearfully dictated to my PA from the couch:

What food did you dislike eating as a child?
Butterscotch! Sweetcorn... peas... broccoli... most green things, really. No, make that all green things.

What is your favorite Christmas song?
Does Silent Night count? If so, that. It reminds me of a music box my Mum had and it takes me back to that time.

Who is your favorite Disney villain?
The Queen of Hearts. She is just too much.

Do you like, dislike or not care about hearing spoilers for a story?
I don’t mind one bit. I like to hear other people’s take on things, and you often get that with spoilers.

What is your favorite reading position?
Lying in bed.

How many books do you have on your want-to-read list?
About two gazillion. I’ll have to live to about 800 to read them all. Or learn how to read really fast.

Have you ever “forgotten” to return a book to a friend or library because you loved it and wanted to keep it?
No, but people have said I could keep books. Maybe I’m contagious or something.

Describe one of your spanking (real life or story) fantasies in 11 words or fewer.
Girl forced to serve as a maid to a cruel master/mistress.

What is one of your pet peeves about spanking stories?
When things get telegraphed to the reader and spoil the surprise that has been set up.

Hulu, Amazon Prime streaming, TiVo, or Netflix?  (or whatever else you use...)?
I don’t use any of those new-fangled things. I still have a non-flat TV and a VCR. And a mobile that’s almost as old as me.

Your (uncensored) first response to finding out that I nominated you for this award?
Aw. I like Ana.

Had enough Penny yet? Well, tough. Just to finish you off here are eleven random and true facts about moi:
  1. My eyes are the same colour as Maria Sharapova’s.
  2. When I was little I used to eat grit from the side of the road.
  3. I gave myself friction burns pole dancing in Tenerife.
  4. I was invited to stay with an Art lecturer at his pad in the south of France when I was seventeen. (I declined).
  5. My earliest memory is of being carried by my Mum over some mud flats.
  6. I have fallen off a bar stool, drunk. (I got back on again). I have also fallen over drunk while dancing. And while walking down the street. And probably other times I can’t remember.
  7. I can change to the size of a chaffinch.
  8. I always, always pull my right sock on first. It’s just not right the other way.
  9. I used to feel really sad for Fred at the end of The Flintstones when he got locked out. I worried that he’d be stuck outside til the following week.
  10. I lost my virginity under the stars, in a one night stand.
  11. I never learned how to ride a bike.
Okay, so 7 is a fib. But the rest are 100% legit. (Replacement fact: I often yell at inanimate objects when blotto. So I am told).

Now, I have one more duty as a Liebster thingy person: to nominate some other bloggers so they can answer a bunch of questions! I hereby nominate Aunty Andrea, RedRump, TFD, Dave, OFG, and Julie. (I will send my questions by email as this post is already a mile long). I hope some or all of you can find the time to respond :)

Wednesday, 28 November 2012

Whine and ye shall receive

Aw. I feel loved! Joey and Ana (two of the nicest people in the spanking blogosphere) have each nominated me for the Liebster Award. Thank you. I owe you both a serious cuddle. Maybe we could have a three-way. Cuddle.

I feel a bit bad for whining now. Maybe I should be spanked. Yes. I think that might help. As would a good long spell in the corner.


Most people on Earth now know what the LA involves, but in case you don’t it requires the nominee to answer eleven questions set by their nominator and to list eleven facts about themselves. (Just like I did the other day, only with not-made-up facts).

Here are the questions Joey has asked of his nominees, and my carefully considered responses:

What spanking position do you prefer?
OTK. It’s just the best.

Is there any spanking implement that is a hard limit for you?
If there is I haven’t found it yet. I thought, before I experienced it, that it might be the cane. But it wasn’t. (Obviously).

What food do you hate?
I haven’t dared look at butterscotch since I had it at school aged eight. Absolutely horrible! But then everything they fed us at school was horrible, so maybe it’s got an unduly bad rep. Other than that, I can’t eat anything that looks just like it did when it was alive, like shrimps or lobster.

What activity makes you feel naughty?
Getting frisky in a public place.

Describe the clothes worn by your fantasy spanker?
If male, a smart dark suit with a nice dark shirt... all business and smartness, his smouldering, masculine sexuality and power simultaneously veiled and accentuated by clothes that signify respectability and decorum. If female, a sensible tweed skirt, a smart, light blouse (perhaps unbuttoned a little), dark, seamed stockings, shiny heeled shoes, hair tied up. I like the idea of respectably-dressed people being strict and kinky!

Describe the clothes you put on for your fantasy spanking?
Something to contrast with the above and signify my status as a child/subordinate: I think a little girl dress with a big, pretty bow on the back, and a petticoat underneath. And white kneesocks. And ribbons in my hair.

Where would you go for vacation if you won the lottery?
America. I’d want to see as much of it as possible, and meet lots of the lovely spanky people I have got to know online. And ring TFD’s doorbell and hide round the corner.

What famous person would you like to meet for dinner?
Dizzee Rascal. (Not really). Stan Laurel. Alive, of course.

What is your favorite holiday?
Christmas! It isn’t the same magical experience it was when I was a child, but it is wonderful in different ways now. Most importantly, it’s when I get to see my family.

What celebrity do you think deserves to be spanked?
Lots of them do. But Britney Spears should be first in line.

What is your pet peeve?
Crumbs on a smooth surface like a worktop or a desk; grit on a smooth floor. Argh!

That was fun! Thanks again to Joey for being a sweet asky-asker; I hope my answers were okay. So that this post doesn’t get too long I will post my answers to Ana’s probing questions tomorrow. Same time, same brat-channel. (Bring alcohol).

Tuesday, 27 November 2012

Fun musings

I have just been introduced to a new word: funishment.

It’s funny how one word, or a snippet of music, caught by chance, can set you off on a train of thought, isn’t it? I was having a quick flick through kinky blogs this morning over breakfast (I had Cheerios), and this new word just leapt off the screen at me from the link sidebar of Flipping SpankCakes.

The word forms the basis of a post on Dark Musing, the blog of Craig Aych, a Top from LA. (Somehow I knew that Mr Aych would be American before I visited his blog. You lot do like a portmanteau, don’t you? Staycation; edutainment; bromance). :)

And very interesting the post in question is too, as it addresses the difference between fun punishments and ‘genuine’ ones, the appropriateness of each to a given situation, their emotional and psychological implications, and what the decisions we make say about us as (kinky) people.

I think that the word ‘funishment’ particularly resonates with me as it describes exactly the type of play my partner and I enjoy. We never do ‘real’ punishment, though I can certainly understand why people do. When we do our thing we enter wholeheartedly into the fantasy, we create the illusion of punishment in that space (and I am certainly beaten hard: a Martian would be hard pressed to tell the difference), but no matter how pitifully I might cry it’s always fun; unquestionably something outside of ‘everyday life’; something to be enjoyed. And then, when it’s all over... it’s over, put away, and we go right back to ‘vanilla’ he and I. It’s something that is, for want of a better word, compartmentalised in our lives. Though I should make clear that the compartmentalisation of our play doesn’t mean that the motivation that lies behind the play is something that is kept in a box in my mind or my heart: it infuses every part of me, it is who I am, to the extent that I can’t imagine myself stripped of it.

(I can imagine myself stripped of many things, but not that). ;D

And, though BH and I obviously talked (and still talk) about sex and kink – discussing, arguing, exploring – doing things the ‘funishment’ way wasn’t an especially conscious thing that we decided upon one summer evening; it was more something that we intuitively came to, the natural way that our two tastes blended. (For the record, I am way more deeply perverted than BH). But then I’m sure the same is true of many other people, and many other things that people do together. Wavelengths, I guess.

I am fascinated by other people and by other aspects of kink, and I do love to read (and learn and think and imagine) more about them. Not only because they are interesting in their own right, but also because learning about other lifestyles and approaches helps me to understand my own kinks better, by placing them in a wider context. It’s funny: I was lying in bed last night, half-asleep, thinking about things, and one of the things I thought was that I should try to write more ‘serious’ (i.e. non-silly) things from time to time; write (as others do) about my sexuality and kinks in a more direct (or less performative/layered) way. And discovering a new blog thanks to a new word has helped me with that, the very next day. Thank you, Craig! (Sir).

Sunday, 25 November 2012

I'd like to thank God and my parents


I’ve given up hoping to be nominated for a Liebster Award so I’m going outlaw and nominating myself for another award. One that I’m just about to make up.

The, er... ah...

...the I.M.A. Slacker Award for Pinkest Spanking Blog (est. 2012)!

Yay! I win! Thank you, little people! Gush, gush!

According to the instructions scrawled on the back of the made-up cheque that came with the made-up award, recipients must list eleven made-up facts about themselves. Luckily I can lie without so much as blinking, so here you go:
  1. I once flashed my baps on the local TV news.
  2. Dana Specht has my number on her mobile.
  3. I’m allergic to pocket fluff, mayonnaise and Bryan Adams.
  4. My middle name is Esther.
  5. If you turn me upside-down I instantly fall asleep.
  6. I can’t pronounce the word ‘charcoal’.
  7. I have a nightmare every night involving Barney the dinosaur and flat-pack furniture.
  8. The smell of mown grass makes me wet myself on the spot.
  9. I never wear matching socks.
  10. My great-great-great-great-grandmother was Annie Oakley. (We call her Phoebe).
  11. I was a butt model in a PajamaJeans infomercial.
Amazing and entirely untrue! (Good thing there are never any consequences for girls who fib, innit?) ;D

P.S. A true thing: I came second in an egg and spoon race aged six. I got a certificate. (I don’t know where the certificate is anymore, though, so you’ll have to take my word for it).

Thursday, 22 November 2012

Happy Fanksgivin!


Sorry about the quietness: I’ve been having rather a busy week. (I dunno... people expectin me to work... tsk... I’ll show them when I’m Queen...)

But busy or not I want to wish all my American friends a very happy Thanksgiving Day. I hope you all have a wonderful time!

Little Penny has a message about the day, too:


Hm. I’ve just thought: should Thanksgiving be ‘Spanksgiving’ for kinky folks? I suppose it should! And I know I must be the ten millionth person to have had that thought... ;D

Sunday, 18 November 2012

Cookiee! Nom nom nom!

Yes, it’s another post about cookies. (Caution: may contain nuts. Definitely contains puns).

I think I must either be strong in the Force or just really in tune with cookie-type news. On the very same day that I posted about my lucky discovery of cut-price cheesecake and giant cookies in my friendly neighbourhood megamarket, I went on a spanky internet wander and learned of something called the ‘Great Online Cookie Exchange Extravaganza’ (!)

The idea is for cookie-loving bloggers all over the world to post yummy recipes on their blogs on the same day (this year it’s December 6th); the recipes are then collected and posted all together on the blog of the lady behind this sweet initiative: Jz, of A Reluctant Bitch.

If you fancy chipping in, pop over to Jz’s place and drop her an email so she knows to add your blog to the mix. And (I’ve got to say it) that’s the way the cookie crumbles... :)

Thursday, 15 November 2012

Sweet treets

Now, never mind my saucy schoolgirl rear, here’s some real Penny porn. Come into my little lair... don’t mind Doggie; he barks at everyone who calls round. Into the compact and bijou kitchen, where a sneaky peek into my naughty little fridge reveals...

...omigod omigod...

...a strawberry swirl cheesecake (half price! :D) and... oh, oh... a giant TRIPLE CHOKLIT COOKIEEEEE!!


Nothing at all to do with kink; I just thought I’d share my joy at finding these yummy things on offer in the supermarket. (Plus I figured I had better take a picture sharpish as they are unlikely to be around all that long).

On an entirely unrelated note, a house on our street has put their Christmas lights up! :-O

Monday, 12 November 2012

Schoolgirl Penny: upskirt edition

Oh, all right... I can’t tease you with a long piece about my love of school uniforms and not give you a single solitary picture to look at. So here is a photo of my very own naughty derrière in a pair of innocently white knickers, peeking out from under my navy blue pleated skirt as I bend over at my teacher’s decree. I’m wearing my blazer as well, though you can’t see much of it (blame BH for zooming in on my butt, the perv):


And I know it’s hard to believe but I was spanked right after this picture was taken. Bent over and given a good, hard spanking, my defenceless little cheeks twitching and rippling under my teacher’s firm hand. And he even pulled my knickers up into a horrid wedgie, the big meanie!

So I had been naughty... and maybe a teeny, tiny, little bit cheeky... and maybe I had repeatedly disregarded my teacher’s instructions to behave... but is that really any reason to spank a girl? :)

Friday, 9 November 2012

Uniformly saucy

It’s nice being a kinky scribbler. I have spent a goodly amount of time this week immersing myself in school imagery and fantasy, poring over image after image of young ladies in various types of school uniform (for research purposes, you understand) and imagining all kinds of naughty scenes suffused with pleated skirts and pigtails. And so I thought it would be nice to write a little bit about the uniform items I myself own (and wear when I play the naughty schoolgirl).

I don’t have all that many, to be honest (though BH says I have too many): a blue gingham summer school dress, a knee-length grey pleated skirt, three mini-length pleated skirts in various colours, and a super-naughty micro-length black pleated skirt. That last one is very much a token piece of clothing: there’s constant and unavoidable bottom/panty exposure even when standing up straight in it.

I love them all, but my absolute favourite thing to wear is another item again: my black pinafore/gymslip. I adore it. It’s short and pleated at the bottom, and it flattens my chest at the top, and it is just so wonderfully... schoolgirl. I challenge anyone to wear it and feel like a strong-minded 21st century woman, rather than a 1950s boarding school pupil acutely aware that she might be given a stinging, humiliating spanking any time she misbehaves.

I’m not quite ready to pose for a full-length picture in it (apologies), so here’s the beautiful Gemma Arterton (by far the best thing in the not-especially-great St Trinian’s remakes) doing just that in a very similar dress. The only things missing are the pleats, plus my dress is a bit shorter:


Mmm! She can be my Head Girl anytime.

And what do I wear with this plain, dull, restrictive, fantastically sexy pinafore? Stuff very much like Gemma wears above: long socks (white, black or grey), white blouse, blue and gold striped tie, black buckle shoes and a maroon blazer. No padlocked collar, though. The dress and blouse were bought from high street clothes shops but the socks, tie and blazer are 100% authentic schoolwear, bought from school outfitters. The blazer even has a school crest on it. I think that the authenticity of much of the uniform helps when it comes to play, because when I put it all on, and stand blushing before my teacher, I really do feel every last inch a schoolgirl. (Or at least an adult one who lives in a twisted, kinky reality). I just totally get into that headspace. It’s remarkable, even to myself, how much my body language and thought processes and speech change. It’s as if I step wholeheartedly into the fantasy world I create in my mind, and live and breathe it for the whole time I am in my uniform. Bless BH for indulging me and playing along!

BTW, I can well understand the appeal of wearing stockings and suspenders with school-type stuff, but I have to say – with the exception of the occasions on which I wear the decidedly slutty and non-regulation microskirt – I always stick to socks. I would probably wear tights every so often, like I did in school, but I figure they might get in the way a bit when I was thrown onto the bed and, you know, ravished. With socks I am always only moments – the exact amount of time it takes to yank my knickers down, in fact – away from being interfered with. Regardless of whether I actually am interfered with or not, the awareness that it could happen just like that on my severe and sexy teacher’s whim is hugely arousing. And, sexual practicalities aside, I think my preference for socks over stockings also has something to do with a need I have to inhabit a school-based erotic fantasy where it is school first, sexualised adult second. (Not second by much, but still). Socks just seem more authentic, more prosaic, to me in a school context than stockings and suspenders.

One thing I don’t wear are ‘regulation’ knickers, I guess because the practice of wearing them to school was a bit before my time. I do have several identical pairs of completely plain and boring white knickers that I like to wear; I imagine that the effect is similar. Sometimes I wear equally plain black ones, which are also acceptable at Penny’s Fantasy School. And just every so often I wear cartoon character panties, but that’s only so I can get into trouble for wearing non-approved underwear. Okay, and so I can feel extra immature and, you know, little.

Conversely, one thing I never wore at school but now do (occasionally) is a straw boater. So Enid Blyton! It makes me want to go on a jolly adventure. As for my hair, sometimes I put it up into pigtails, sometimes I wear an Alice band, sometimes I just wear it down. (In case you were wondering, my hair is currently shoulder-length). Confession: I like it when BH pulls my hair as he fucks me from behind. Am I out of the feminist club?

A big gap in my wardrobe is games kit. I very much hope that Santa brings me a garishly-coloured netball skirt and an equally garishly-coloured shirt and socks. And a pair of horrid, thick gym knickers! That kink I do ‘get’ from experience.

If I am lucky enough to find such a gift under my tree this year, I hope that BH wastes no time in putting me into it, scolding me, and giving me a jolly good hiding. But, gym kit or no gym kit, I hope that I get to spend large parts of the holiday in some variety of school uniform, sitting (with or without a spanked bottom) at a lonely little desk, doing hour upon hour of schoolwork or just plain writing lines. Bliss.

So, that’s pretty much my school wardrobe. If any of you would like to share your own uniform favourites, I’d love to hear about them!

Sunday, 4 November 2012

Colour me impressed

What a clever and talented class of children I have. Naughty, but talented. All of the pictures you coloured during recess were very nice, so well done to all of you.

I want to give a special prize to one pupil, however, for the very best colouring work.

Look at this, everyone:



Doesn’t Tinkerbell look pretty? The shading on her dress is especially good. Notice the shading on her hair and her body, too: using light and shade like this helps make things you draw look solid, doesn’t it? And look at her little red bottom... she has obviously been spanked for being naughty, hasn’t she? I know you all know what that feels like.

Come up to the front of the room, Dana. That’s it, don’t be shy. There’s a good boy. You are a very clever little artist and you deserve recognition for your work. Here is a bag of candy and a Good Work sticker, and here is a nice big hug from teacher. And your picture will go up on the wall for the rest of term so everyone can admire it.