Friday, 18 October 2013

Round Table Discussion: Bringing spanking into a relationship


Is it time for another round table discussion? It is indeed! Today’s topic comes from the lovely Katherine Deane and concerns the hows, whys and wherefores of bringing kink into relationships. So no theorising for once!

I can say without hesitation or fear of contradiction that I am the one who brought spanking and all the other kinky stuff my partner (BH, my Better Half) and I do into our relationship. He was quite the vanilla gentleman before I got my hands on him, in fact. Whereas I had been a twisted little pixie since forever.

We’ve been together for four and a half years now, and my ass being smacked has been a part of things for four of those. I really didn’t waste much time in revealing my kinky side to him...

I can still vividly remember the moment I raised the question. We were lying on his bed in his student digs, sleepily cuddling after a hard day’s studying (no joke: we both worked our asses off at uni; my eyes hurt from the amount of reading I did sometimes), the lights were low, it was just a really safe, cosy, loving environment. (Very red, too: crimson wallpaper!) Neither of us had said anything for a while, but it was one of those not-a-problem silences, where we were both totally comfortable. And I turned my head slightly toward him, and said, “BH... [that is his actual name; amazing coincidence] ...this is going to sound very random, but... have you ever spanked anyone before?”

A gentle, surprised laugh. It turned out he hadn’t.

Looking back, I think I was pretty brave to just put it out there in the way I did. I knew BH pretty well – we had been friends before getting together – but I didn’t really know how he would react to his girlfriend dropping an ‘S’ bomb out of the blue. I guess I just trusted some instinct that told me he would be receptive rather than dismissive; that he would be open-minded enough for me to reveal something that was important to me, even if he wasn’t kinky himself, and not ridicule me for it. He’s just that sort of person.

The hardest, scariest bit over, the Rubicon crossed, (and, to be fair, his interest piqued), I nuzzled into his chest and told him all about how I enjoyed being spanked. How it satisfied something that I couldn’t quite explain; how it really, really turned me on. (I might have stroked him in various strategic places as I expounded upon the pleasures of erotic kinky play. Feminine wiles... :D)

I was mindful to explain that such things were perfectly natural and very widely practiced; that young ladies the world over enjoyed corporal punishment as part of their sex lives.

And I asked him if he would maybe like to spank me sometime, as part of foreplay.

And, bless his heart, he said he would.

Spin on four years and he’s the toppiest top anyone could wish for, beating me silly, scolding me, stripping me, tying me up, tying me down, roleplaying with the best of them, fucking me senseless, leaving me a bedraggled, orgasmic wreck once he’s finished with me.

I’m so glad I took a chance and asked the question I did in that cosy, book-filled red room.

27 comments:

  1. Fantastic that it worked out so well for you. Knowing you, it makes me very happy. I'm sure it doesn't always happen that way, either the vanilla partner turned off or scared away, or stuck trying to fulfill a role for which they haven't the heart.

    Maybe as nature's little joke, it only happens to vanilla guys. I've often imagined what it would have been like to have a girlfriend drop the 'S' bomb on me. I might have been able to contain my smile. "Yes, dear, I believe I may have heard of this spanking thing of which you speak." :)

    Hugs

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    1. Thank you, TFD :) you're very sweet. And I can just imagine your barely-stifled grin at being told by a theoretical gal that she's into... whisper it... spanking! :-o

      I'd like to think that, sometimes, kinky people get together before they know that the other is kinky... nice surprise :)

      But within the sphere of kinky-vanilla pairings I know from personal experience that it doesn't always turn out well. Before BH I had tried and failed several times to find someone happy to engage with my kinkiness. To accept it, really. It was just... "no." It's really hard on the heart when you open up and are, essentially, rejected.

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  2. Yay! You are a brave woman. I love when it goes that way. And there really is something to speaking in the dark. There's a safety there… :-)

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    1. Yes, it's something... primal, I suppose. I still like it now when BH and I lie in bed at night and talk. There's a special kind of intimacy to it.

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  3. I love the scene you set in your cozy little book filled, red room! So nice! Do they ever expect the S bomb?

    Your BH sounds like a gem! I am so happy you flavored up his vanilla :)

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    1. Thanks, Casey :)

      This will probably sound soppy, but I think I'm the lucky one.

      And nobody expects the Spanish Inqui... I mean the S bomb!

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  4. Perfect setting. Perfect question. Perfect response. What more could you ask for?

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    1. Just what I thought at the time, Patricia :)

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  5. Gosh, now I'm silenced! You were so brave and considering you were at uni, I'm guessing you were pretty young too. Hats off to you Penelope

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    1. Thanks, Tara!

      I was 21... I guess that is kinda young :)

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  6. how sweet, I love how you explained it was natural etc :) that's great that he's come into his own, enjoying it while giving you that

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    1. Yes, I'm glad too - my philosophy is that both (or all) people involved have to be comfortable with it or it's not fair/right. I'm so thankful that my kink resonated with something inside BH.

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  7. That is so cool, Penny!
    Your gentleman sounds so great!
    I'm so glad he agreed to try it out.
    How sexy and fun!!
    Mmmmmm.
    Congratulations!

    :)

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    1. Thanks, Katherine! He is a sweetie. Beating my ass like that, lol :)

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  8. that is nice you told him you like being spanked and when did you tell him you like to dress up in school uniform.

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    1. I told him pretty early on - and I think roleplay and dressing up probably made it easier for him. I could be wrong on this, but I think men quite often like to see women dressed in school uniform ;D

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  9. Your gentleman sounds like a great guy!

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    1. He is :) he puts up with me, anyway!

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  10. Great to hear lots of women love spanking and roleplays!

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    1. Oh yes. There are countless naughty, kinky ladies the world over!

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  11. So lovely. I think it is incredibly brave to come out to your partner-- I know it took me a looooong time to mention it.

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    1. Thanks, Renee :)

      I guess I'm probably untypical in coming out with it so early on, but as I said in the post I felt something intuitively... something non-spoken that gave me the courage to ask him.

      Plus I just figured what the hell :D love me, love my kink!

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  12. I think it’s excellent that you have such an amazing relationship and so inspiring that you were able to share your “secret” with someone and the world didn’t stop turning or anything! :)

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    1. Thanks, Jamie - you're very kind. And I'd love to think that my experiences could be a source of encouragement to others :)

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  13. Lucky BH, and lucky you.
    It was only till I was around 40 that that my spanking fetish was given full reign, even though it was always there. Which is a damned shame as looking back opportunities did present themselves.
    The classic ... was when I was 20 and had an older girlfriend (23!) and we were in a similar situation of comfortable relaxed intimacy in her bedroom when she fetched her hairbrush from the table, draped herself with (very tasty) bottom presented and looked at me meaningfully... and I started brushing her hair! (thought I was doing the right thing and being sensitive, was surprised be her annoyed demeanour).

    Arrgghhh! I guess she couldn't quite bring herself to make things clear verbally to me, and as readers know, 20 year old males aren't the world's most perceptive or attuned people. The penny only dropped about a decade later what she wanted!

    We didn't last long (not surprising really as I was such a clueless dolt).

    Regards from your fellow Maria fan.

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    1. Aww. I think you're being very hard on yourself, fellow Maria fan. Trying to be sensitive is an admirable thing, not the action of a dolt :) and besides, as you yourself state, she could have made it all a lot easier by actually saying what it was she wanted!

      As it happens I do understand something of how you feel; the pang of a missed opportunity. Oh, if I could only be back in that art classroom, aged seventeen... I'd leap at the thinly-veiled invitation for a spanking from my (female) teacher, rather than sheepishly making for the door. Bleh! Way too insecure and timid back then.

      Thank you for sharing such a personal and bittersweet memory. I feel for you! And I'm glad that you get to enjoy naughty fun now. And I think, actually, that your experience points to an important and under-explored counterpart to the much more often discussed issue of the wannabe spankee's trepidation: the perspective of the would-be spanker, with all the uncertainty they might feel.

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    2. Good point ... enormous trepidation and uncertainty initially but I've honed the senses and cues over the years - the "jocular comment" eg "you deserve some chastisement for that", "very spankable behaviour/mood you are in". Or for the first time the light hearted mention over copious alcohol "always up for a bit of spanking play". Or revealing (true) tales of being caned as a schoolboy.
      Actually spanking ... Always start slowly and relatively gently, watch out for cues for harder, or not.
      Re your art classroom, please tell me you were wearing school uniform (or perhaps not from your ex-school's perspective). We need a story about what might have happened if the current Penelope had been in the mind then! Cheers, mFm.

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