Sunday, 25 November 2012

I'd like to thank God and my parents


I’ve given up hoping to be nominated for a Liebster Award so I’m going outlaw and nominating myself for another award. One that I’m just about to make up.

The, er... ah...

...the I.M.A. Slacker Award for Pinkest Spanking Blog (est. 2012)!

Yay! I win! Thank you, little people! Gush, gush!

According to the instructions scrawled on the back of the made-up cheque that came with the made-up award, recipients must list eleven made-up facts about themselves. Luckily I can lie without so much as blinking, so here you go:
  1. I once flashed my baps on the local TV news.
  2. Dana Specht has my number on her mobile.
  3. I’m allergic to pocket fluff, mayonnaise and Bryan Adams.
  4. My middle name is Esther.
  5. If you turn me upside-down I instantly fall asleep.
  6. I can’t pronounce the word ‘charcoal’.
  7. I have a nightmare every night involving Barney the dinosaur and flat-pack furniture.
  8. The smell of mown grass makes me wet myself on the spot.
  9. I never wear matching socks.
  10. My great-great-great-great-grandmother was Annie Oakley. (We call her Phoebe).
  11. I was a butt model in a PajamaJeans infomercial.
Amazing and entirely untrue! (Good thing there are never any consequences for girls who fib, innit?) ;D

P.S. A true thing: I came second in an egg and spoon race aged six. I got a certificate. (I don’t know where the certificate is anymore, though, so you’ll have to take my word for it).
Posted by Penelope at 14:30
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15 comments:

  1. Kaelah25 November 2012 at 17:12

    These are 11 great made-up facts, Penny! Thanks for the laugh. :-)

    ReplyDelete
  2. Penelope25 November 2012 at 20:26

    Glad they amused, Kaelah! :)

    ReplyDelete
  3. Anonymous25 November 2012 at 20:53

    Very funny fibs.

    Do not give up hope about the Liebster award.

    Hug,
    joey

    ReplyDelete
  4. Penelope25 November 2012 at 21:23

    Thanks, Joey!

    The fib about the recurring nightmare is nearly true. The real one involves Adam Sandler and a rotary dryer.

    ReplyDelete
  5. TFD26 November 2012 at 01:37

    "Good thing there are never any consequences for girls who fib, innit?"

    Hows 'bout liar, liar, pants on fire?

    You have a delightful imagination, Penelope dear.

    Hugs

    ReplyDelete
  6. Penelope26 November 2012 at 09:52

    Thanks, TFD! :)

    But aww about my pants bein on fire. You'd think pant manufacturers would do somefin about that :(

    Guess I'll just haf to go around in my panties.

    ReplyDelete
  7. TFD27 November 2012 at 00:50

    Oops, I meant to write liar, liar, panties on fire. What was I thinking?

    Hugs!

    ReplyDelete
  8. Dave27 November 2012 at 13:23

    You are certainly worthy of a Cherry Award for Awesomesauceness.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Penelope27 November 2012 at 13:30

    Aw! Thank you, Dave! :) You've really cheered me up on one of those days. I am humbly grateful for my award.

    You've also reassured me that not all Merrycans are mean old meanies, like TFD. ;P (Settin fire to my panties, indeed! Hmf!)

    ReplyDelete
  10. Henry Castle27 November 2012 at 13:55

    This whole day all points to a enjoyment of wrong behaviour. Self discipline, Penny! I suggest five minutes nose touching the door with pants down and anything hanging down put up, and a faIr few wincers, before getting on with your good work young lady!

    ReplyDelete
  11. Penelope27 November 2012 at 14:02

    lol, mean Harry!

    I'm afraid that any wincers (badly needed though they are) will have to be administered this evening as I'm not in a position to kneel on the floor right now, but rest assured I will do just as you instruct. For my own good ;)

    ReplyDelete
  12. RedRump28 November 2012 at 04:03

    It's already been said, but those are damn funny. Great examples of that 'left field' humor Brits are famous for.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Penelope28 November 2012 at 10:11

    Thanks, RR! I figure it stems from our long tradition of metaphysical philosophy. That and drug use.

    ReplyDelete
  14. Anastasia Vitsky28 November 2012 at 13:40

    Okay, this is NOT true! Several bloggers said that they couldn't come up with a list, so anyone reading should consider him/herself nominated.

    Also, had I known you wanted to be nominated I would have. I nominated a couple who still haven't written the post and another person who got 3 other nominations by the time she go to writing hers.

    So. I nominate you for the Liebster Award, retroactively.

    ReplyDelete
  15. Penelope28 November 2012 at 14:12

    Aw. Thanks, Ana! I feel loved. And scolded.

    Just to make my whine even more redundant, the ever-lovely Joey has nominated me too. I think he's actually Santa in disguise, that man.

    ReplyDelete

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