Sunday, 1 July 2012

Miss Hasler's English Class: 1

Good morning, children – my name is Miss Hasler and I am going to be your English teacher. Now, I don’t... STOP fiddling with your pigtails, you at the back! I’ll have no fiddling in my class! Now, I don’t expect everyone’s work to be perfect all of the time, but I do expect you all to try your best. I will always praise a pupil who makes a real effort.

And of course I also expect decorum at all times: schoolchildren should always be well-behaved and respectful. Any misbehaviour, from any pupil, will be punished. Look over at that corner next to the map on the wall, all of you. Do you see that hard wooden stool with the dunce’s cap on it? That’s where you will sit if you are naughty. And yes, you will have to wear that silly cap for the whole time you are in disgrace. Especially naughty behaviour will earn the pupil in question a spanked bottom – over my knee, in front of the entire class – prior to corner time. So if you don’t want to spend a lesson facing the wall with your little bottom red and sore (and I’m sure none of you do) you will make sure to behave yourselves.

Now. Pencils and jotters at the ready, and pay attention. You may of course copy down what I write on the board. Remember to raise your hand if you have a question. Sit up straight, Harry!

English is a rich, complex language with lots of rules and lots of tricky words, and it might sometimes seem daunting. But using it well isn’t really about knowing fancy words: it’s about expressing what you want to say clearly. A well-written piece – that is, an easily read one – is always much better than a muddled piece peppered with impressive-sounding words. So you should always aim, above all else, for clarity.

It is vital, then, to get the fundamentals right. You wouldn’t expect to win a chess tournament if you didn’t know how the ‘horsey piece’ moved, would you? So it is with English: make sure you understand the basics, and building from there becomes much easier.

Today we will look at four of the basic types of word in English: nouns, verbs, adjectives and adverbs. These types of word have different names because the words that belong to them have different functions. Let’s use something else to make the idea clearer. Let’s substitute animals for words. Birds, fish, mammals and reptiles are all types of animal that are different from each other, aren’t they? That’s why we call them by different names. It’s just the same with nouns, verbs, adjectives and adverbs (and all the other types of word).

So what are the functions of our word types?

Nouns are ‘naming’ words. That is, they include all the words we use as names for things and people. Examples of nouns are bicycle, mountain, chocolate and Elizabeth.

Verbs are ‘doing’ words. Cry, hop, write and spank are all verbs.

Adjectives are ‘describing’ words, like hot, fast, blue and proud.

Adverbs, as the name suggests, are a combination of adjective and verb. These words are used to provide extra detail about an action (a verb) by describing it (like an adjective). Smartly, happily, roughly and carelessly are all adverbs. Adverbs are always used in connection with verbs. That is, they need verbs in order to make sense. “Harry smiled happily” consists of noun-verb-adverb. If you take the verb away, and leave just the noun and the adverb, the sentence doesn’t make sense: “Harry happily.”

There are sub-types of each of these main types – just as there are sub-types of most other things, like cars or shoes or cakes – but we don’t need to worry about those today.

Let’s write an example sentence using words from each of our four types:

Elizabeth walked quickly as she was worried about the rain.

Now let’s identify the words that belong to each type:

Elizabeth (noun) walked (verb) quickly (adverb) as she was worried (adjective) about the rain (noun).

Just to reiterate the point that adverbs go with verbs, let’s take the verb out of our sentence and see if it still makes sense:

Elizabeth quickly as she was worried about the rain.

It doesn’t make sense, does it? No. You’re right to shake your heads. Julie, stop shaking that girl’s head for her.

Exercise 1
Think of five nouns, five verbs, five adjectives and five adverbs. Write them neatly in your jotter.

Exercise 2
Write a sentence with a noun and a verb in it. An example might be “The cat yawned.” Next, write one with a noun, a verb and an adjective. For example, “Jenny wore a blue dress.” Finally, try to write one with a noun, a verb, an adjective and an adverb. “The red car went by noisily.”

Write a little piece about anything you like. Try to use each of our word types (noun, verb, adjective, adverb) in your piece. They don’t all have to be in the same sentence. Be careful with your spelling – too many mistakes and you will have to see me for a personal lesson. Remember to hand your homework in to me for marking.


  1. *Little Andrea raises hand*
    Miss Hasler I have a question, two actually. Will we be spanked on our bare bottoms? Is spanking a verb?

  2. I'm gonna just hand it in like this, so you don't edit out the funny parts.

    5 nouns: cane, ear, uniform, knickers, Miss Hassler
    5 verbs: blushing, stammering, enjoy, snivel, dance
    5 adjectives: surprised, humiliated, mortified, drunk, SWISH!
    5 adverbs: smartly, slowly, teasingly, joyfully, tearfully

    I'm going to skip the individual sentences, cuz it's DUMB, and go right to the story, which is really a good one.

    Miss Hassler, thinking herself much cleverer than she really was, decided to wear her old school uniform to school on Halloween. Little did she know that the Headmaster, Mr. Jenkins, was out drunk that day, and when the acting Headmaster caught her in the faculty lunchroom he grabbed the surprised Miss Hassler by the ear and marched her to his office!

    "But I'm a TEACHER" she said, stammering like a schoolgirl as the acting Head bent her over the desk.

    "Then I'll teach you!" the Head chortled.

    Miss Hassler blushed as she felt him flip up the back of her uniform skirt and slowly, teasingly lower her knickers to her knees.

    "Please, sir, not on the bare!" she pleaded, blushing red with embarrassment as her knickers made their slow, agonizing descent.

    SWISH! Was the cane's reply!

    Miss Hassler felt totally humiliated, particularly since the Head had left the office door open, which meant in the outer office Imreadonly2 and several of the other male students were watching her bare bottom dance under the cane!

    "Boys, help me! Tell him who I am!" she pleaded tearfully, her voice choked with sobs.


    None of the boys said a word. They simply stood there, giggling joyfully as the Headmaster smartly laid on the stripes!


    Miss Hassler was mortified, and made Imreadonly2 promise not to tell anyone, but he wrote this story and passed it around for the entire class to enjoy.

  3. *Miss Hasler smiles over at Little Andrea*

    Those are both good questions, Andrea.

    You will be spanked on your bare bottom, but only if you are very naughty. If you are very naughty, I will call you to the front of the class, take your knickers down, put you over my knee and spank you in front of everyone. Now, I know you don't want that to happen, do you? No. So you had better be on your very best behaviour. That's it, sit up nice and straight at your desk. I do like the ribbons in your hair by the way, dear.

    And 'spanking' is a verb, yes. It is a 'doing' word. Can you think of any other 'doing' words?

  4. Miss Hasler frowned in displeasure at the crumpled sheet headed 'Imreadonly2'.

    And what is the meaning of this, young man? Do you think it is funny, writing such filth in an English class?

  5. Go to the corner, this instant! You can be the first to wear the dunce's cap and sit in disgrace!

    And we shall see just how clever you feel, later in detention. BAD boy!

  6. Now, where were we? Ah, yes - spanking. You know, Andrea, you raise an interesting point, because 'spanking' (or 'spank' or 'spanked') is one of those words that can belong to more than one of our word groups. All four, in fact!

    It can be a verb: "She cried as her bottom was spanked with the hairbrush."

    A noun: "Miss Hasler gave the naughty little boy a good spanking."

    An adjective: "They raced along at a spanking pace."

    And even an adverb: "My car is brand spanking new."

  7. I did my homework Miss Hasler!

    Did Harry hand his in yet? Are you going to have to punish him if he didn't, Miss Hasler? If you are, may I please watch because I want to be a teacher when I grow up, just like you!

    Exercise 1:
    5 Nouns: Hairbrush, Strap, Cane, Belt, Buttocks
    5 Verbs: Punish, Scold, Strip, Spank, Cry
    5 Adjectives: Pink, Red, Welted, Bruised, Ugly
    5 Adverbs: Noisily, Tearfully, Briskly, Embarrassingly, Humbly

    Exercise 2:
    Harry got spanked.
    Poor Harry got belt-whipped.
    Poor Harry got caned mercilessly.

    Miss Hasler was very upset with Harry. She made him stand in the corner. Julie was the best girl in the class and was always good. Miss Hasler asked Julie to watch Harry and make sure he did not move. When Julie saw Harry move, she told Miss Hasler. Miss Hasler pulled down Harry's pants and spanked him noisily. Julie got to watch because she was such a good girl.

  8. There's a good girl, Julie. You are very good to complete your homework so quickly. Now, stand beside my desk nice and quietly as I mark it. No fidgeting - hands behind your back, please.

    Miss Hasler ran her eye over the page, red pen in hand.

    This is excellent work, Julie - you get an 'A'. You may take a star from my drawer for using the words from our word groups so well, and for spelling everything correctly.

    And Harry hasn't handed his homework in yet, no. But not everyone necessarily works as quickly as you, remember! He will only be punished if his work is late. Now, now - don't frown. Little girls always look prettiest when they smile. There, that's better.

    I'm very glad that you want to be a teacher when you grow up. Is it because you enjoy imparting knowledge to others?

  9. Julie! Don't think I didn't see you stick your tongue out at Harry just now. We'll have less of that, my girl, unless you want a smacked bottom.

  10. Harry's 'gonna get a spanking, Harry's 'gonna get a spanking, Harry's 'gonna get a spanking! Myaaaa! Phhhhttttt!

  11. That's it, young lady! You've been warned not to tease and stick your tongue out, and yet you persist. I think you need a lesson in doing as you are told - come here, madam, over my knee you go!

    Miss Hasler took Julie by the arm and pulled her down across her lap. The next moment she flipped the squirming girl's pleated skirt up, revealing her white cotton knickers.

    Now, Julie, it's no use kicking - you've been naughty and you're going to be spanked for it.

    Miss Hasler smoothed her hand over Julie's pert little curves.

    And I'm sure you remember what I said about naughty pupils being spanked on the bare, don't you? Well, that's just what you're going to get!

    With a practiced ease, she yanked Julie's tight knickers down to her thighs.

  12. As I understand it miss Hasler you asked homework to go gmail. I can't do that so I sent it to Harry heart above, and not here which I now see everybody else has done, and so,shall I next time.
    Nouns. Stool cane whacker,Jenny ,table.
    Verbs. Caning , pointing, singing,wriggle,clutching.
    Abj. Long whippy,harsh, blue,bendy.
    Adv. Smartly,roughly,happily,carelessly ,forcefully.

  13. That's quite all right, Harry - pupils may submit their work by whichever method is most convenient to them. You are a very good boy to complete the exercise so quickly.

    Rest assured that I shall mark your work shortly. Just as soon as I have disciplined this naughty girl, in fact. You may stand beside my desk and watch, if you like.

  14. Oh Miss Hasler, not on the bare in front of Harry!! Ouch! Ouch! Ouch! Wahhhh!

  15. It's no use crying, my girl! You have been very naughty, and you're getting just what you deserve!


    You will NOT behave in that outrageous manner again, is that clear?

    The irate teacher's hand flashed down upon Julie's trembling cheeks in a blur, spank after stinging spank rippling the soft skin of each in turn. After twenty, the light curves had begun to blush; after forty they glowed a painful red.

    Pay close attention, children, because this is what happens to NAUGHTY-- SMACK! DISOBEDIENT-- SMACK! LITTLE-- SMACK! GIRLS! SMACKSMACK-smack-SMACKsmack!

    Once she had delivered sixty or so fulsome smacks, Miss Hasler helped the tearful girl to her feet.

    There, now... dry your eyes, there's a good girl. Yes, I know your botty stings, but you deserved your spanking and it was for your own good. You do know that, don't you, Julie?

    Miss Hasler smiled as the crestfallen schoolgirl nodded timidly.

    Now, you will go and join Imreadonly2 in the naughty corner. You will stand facing the wall, holding your skirt up to show your red bottom off, until I say you can move. Is that clear? Good. Now be a good girl and shuffle off into position.

  16. You're just angry cuz' I told everyone about how you got caned! I'll go to the corner if you drop your knickers & show the class your bottom ISN'T striped!!

  17. You really are in a naughty mood today, Imreadonly2! Well, my boy, I've had quite enough of your nonsense!

    Miss Hasler took the grinning boy by the ear and marched him to her desk. In a flash she had unfastened his shorts and pulled them down. His tight black boxer shorts swiftly followed.

    Now BEND OVER that desk, you little wretch!

  18. Miss Hasler? (quietly and respectfully from her corner). May I help you punish imreadonly2?

  19. I'm sorry, dear, but I can't allow that. Much as this silly little boy deserves to be punished by one of his classmates, I'm afraid you have to stay where you are. You are being punished yourself, don't forget. Perhaps the prospect of assisting me with a punishment in the future will encourage you to behave yourself.

    Now, keep that skirt up and that little nose in the corner or you will join Imreadonly2 across my desk.

  20. Now children, I want you all to pay very close attention again because Imreadonly2 is about to receive a good thrashing for being naughty. I am going to spank him very hard, on his bare bottom, with my ruler. You will all behave yourselves if you do not want the same.

    Miss Hasler took up the wooden ruler from her desk and tapped it softly against the insolent boy's backside.

    I'll teach you to make up silly stories about your teacher!

    And without another word she brought the ruler down across Imreadonly2's cheeks with a loud, painful WHACK!

    Do you all see that, children? The mark across his bottom where the ruler struck? Let's see if we can make it more distinct, shall we?


    Oh yes, that's much better. Still, I think we can make it...


    ...far more...

    WHACK! and sore...


    ...before we're done!


    It's turning nicely red, isn't it, children?


    'Red' is an adjective, isn't it?


    So is 'sore'...


    ...and 'blistered'...


    ...and 'sorry'!



  21. Miss Hasler! Harry's lying on his back on the floor trying to get a look between my legs!

  22. Miss Hasler sighed.

    It's like a zoo! I have never had to deal with such a naughty class of children!


  23. Miss Hasler stood, arms folded, and glowered crossly at the fidgeting boy before her.

    Now then, my boy. So you think it is fun to look up girls' skirts, do you?

    She pursed her lips authoritatively as she awaited a response.

    I asked you a question, young man. Do you think it is fun to look up girls' skirts?

  24. Julie, come here. You may pull your knickers back up and put your skirt down. Smooth it down neatly; good girl.

  25. Thank you Miss Hasler. I'm sorry I teased Harry earlier, even if he is a naughty perv. What are you going to do with him?

  26. Miss Hasler's eyes flashed in anger at Harry's impudence.

    I BEG YOUR PARDON? You think it's FUN?

    If that isn't the NAUGHTIEST thing I EVER heard! Well, my lad, you are going to be taught a painful lesson: little boys do NOT look up girls' skirts!

    Miss Hasler put an arm round Julie and gave her a comforting squeeze.

    There, there. It's all right. You were very good in the corner and I know you are sorry for being naughty. And rest assured that wicked Harry will be punished severely for looking up your skirt.

    Miss Hasler patted the little blonde schoolgirl's bottom possessively.

    Now, sit yourself down in my chair. It's all right, poppet. I'm giving you permission. I think you deserve to be the one who punishes Harry.

    Miss Hasler stood back from her desk and folded her arms in expectance.

  27. Oh Goody! Oh thank you Miss Hasler! I've always wanted to spank a BOY. Harry Bunter , take your pants off. That's it. Undies too. Chop chop. Now put your hands on your head. So how do you like having everybody stare at your little boy parts, huh? Get across my knee. Don't poke me with that! Miss Hasler, Harry's thing is sticking into my leg! Ewwwwww! SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK - how am I doing Miss Hasler? SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK. Ha Ha. Look at that! Harry's crying like a baby! SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK... this is fun! SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK. Look how red he's getting, Miss Hasler! Shut up Harry! SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK...

  28. Miss Hasler smiled in satisfaction at her pupil's energetic efforts. Harry's bottom was growing nicely red, it was true.

    Very good, Julie! Make that naughty boy squirm! Just remember to give each cheek its fair share of attention. There's a good girl!

    As for you, Harry, you will keep that naughty little thing between your legs under control!

  29. Stand up Harry! Ha Ha, look Miss Hasler, look! His thing is so tiny and soft now! Stop that bouncing around Harry, you look ridiculous. Now YOU go stand in the corner. Hands on your head. No, not like that, Harry. Turn around and face out so EVERYBODY can have a good look at you, like YOU tried to look at ME. Boys are sooo pathetic, Miss Hasler.

  30. Now, Julie, let's not get into trouble for teasing again. Harry has been taught a very good lesson, and I'm sure he won't dare peek up your skirt again in a hurry. -- We'll have you facing the wall, if you please, Master Bunter! -- Here is your gold star for excellent work. You are a very clever girl and you should be proud of the start you have made to English class.

    Miss Hasler gave Julie a warm hug and stroked her hair affectionately.

    Now go and take your seat again with the other children. As you have completed the exercise you may draw a picture in your jotter if you like.

  31. All right, Harry - you can come out of the corner now. Pull your pants and shorts up; there's a good boy.

    Now, come here and I will give you a mark for your work.

    That's it; stand nice and close to me and we'll look at your work together.

    Five nouns, very good... five verbs... five adjectives - I do like 'whippy'; good work there... and five adverbs, very good work! You get a 'B' for exercise one. Now, do you think you can try exercise two for me? Run along to your desk and see if you can do it.

  32. *Little Andrea raises her hand*

    Ma'am, maybe you can send the other children to my Aunt's shop, she gives good spankings there!

  33. *Miss Hasler laughs prettily*

    That's a lovely idea, Andrea! I know your Aunt and I know she would not stand for any nonsense. It's a shame that every child isn't as well-behaved as you, dear.

  34. Raises hand... Thank you, Miss Hasler. This class is amazing.

    I still can't believe I saw Miss Goody-Two-Shoes Julie get a spanking.

  35. The Belt Stings
    Julies hand stings
    Julie unfairly accused me naughtily

  36. "Raises hand*

    Miss Hasler, Aunty wants to know if you'd like to organise a field trip to her shop. She says it could be very educational.

  37. I was considering just such a thing, Andrea. And I agree that it could be of great benefit to the children in this class. Thank you for passing on your Aunty's invitation, dear: I shall contact her about it in due course. Now, eyes back down on your work, please.

    And thank you, TFD. But we'll have no teasing, young man, or you will go to the naughty corner.

    As for you, Harry - you didn't get the belt, so you can stop that whining this minute. But I am concerned that you say Julie accused you unfairly. That is a very serious thing to say: are you sure that is what happened?

  38. Yes, Miss, I use to lift skirts for fun but stopped that when I was six,I said I yes to your question bacause I am naturally honest about what I would one day like to do, but obviously not in class.

  39. I undersand that I needed punishing for what I said anyway.

  40. Miss Hasler gave the frowning boy a cuddle.

    There, there. It's all right. I won't let Julie spank you again without good reason. And I hope your little botty isn't too sore.

    She turned her gaze to the girl in the second row.

    Julie, stop that doodling and look at me. I think you have some explaining to do, young lady. COME HERE.

  41. Sorry, Miss Hasler. I was kind of thinking out loud there. I hope Julie didn't hear me.


  42. Julie has quite enough to worry about without your naughty interjections, TFD! I would strongly advise you to concentrate on your work, rather than another pupil's punishments, unless you want to follow her across my knee.

  43. Dear Miss Hasler...I am sorry to report that The Regulator (OffBot) has been rather alarmed by your unorthodox teaching methods, "back-to-basics" lesson plans and overall approach to the School curriculum. You will need to explain your actions in due course, but in the mean-time we have informed your infamous Strict Uncle about your behaviour and he's decided to borrow one of our thin, whippy rattan school canes from our archives in the store room ?...I think he said something about that naughty little madam-niece Penny certainly feeling it stinging with her pink Elmo panties down and her little white botty completely bare ??!! But I can't be absolutely certain ? sincerely, Chairman of The Board of Guv'nors

  44. Miss Hasler smiled and drew a smiley face on the amusing letter.