Saturday, 18 February 2012

Dear Miss Hasler

Saturday, February 18th, 2012

My dear Miss Hasler,

Thank you for your letter and also for your belated, and no doubt reluctant, confession to the crimes committed this last Saturday evening. I spoke with your Headmistress, Miss Hyde, on the telephone yesterday morning when she informed me of your recent nocturnal activities and of your previous propensity for unseemly and unladylike behaviour. I must first say that, had you confessed to your misdeeds earlier, it would have spared me the trouble of thrashing the entire Lower Sixth, whom I had suspected of involvement in this outrageous act of vandalism. I trust that their suffering will bear heavily upon your conscience.

From your letter I understand that you have now received the public caning at Assembly that Miss Hyde had told me she intended to deliver. She also informed me of the slippering that she had already administered. I must say that I am encouraged that Birchington School maintains a traditional approach to discipline, although at the same time I feel that perhaps your Headmistress may be too kind-hearted to deal properly with girls of your obviously hardened nature. I am therefore pleased that she has given me the opportunity to assist in bringing you to heel.

I shall therefore expect you to present yourself at my office, this Friday afternoon at 4pm sharp. You will wear your full Birchington School for Girls uniform, including the correct regulation knickers. I must inform you now, Penelope, that I intend to punish you quite severely.

Now as I see it, you have committed three separate offences and so you shall be dealt with for each one in turn. Your first punishment will be for breaking into the school grounds and stealing apples. For this I intend to give you six strokes of the cane, three on each hand. This is to teach you not to steal.

Your second punishment will be for throwing apples at the walls. Quite what pleasure you managed to derive from this senseless activity I do not know, but I can say without a doubt that you will not enjoy the consequences. For this I will require you to raise your skirt and bend over and touch your toes. You will receive a dozen strokes of the leather strap across the seat of your knickers. This will teach you to respect school property.

Finally we come to your worst offence. The apple trees in the school orchard have stood unmolested for seventy years, being originally planted by one of my predecessors during the last war to provide a supply of fresh fruit to the pupils of this school. For these trees to now be irreversibly desecrated by your obscene scribblings has caused consternation (and some juvenile snickering by certain girls in the Lower Sixth) throughout the school. I must say that Mr Groves, the groundskeeper, is quite beside himself. I have therefore decided to let the punishment fit the crime and revive a method of discipline as old as our orchard. In short, you will receive thirty-six strokes of the birch. I have instructed Mr Groves to cut some springy twigs and make a brace of stout birch rods. These are now soaking in a bucket of brine in the corner of my office awaiting your arrival. For this final punishment I intend to have you remove your skirt and knickers and bend over my desk. Of course no girl could be expected to bear such a flogging on her own volition so Mr Groves has kindly agreed to assist in holding you down.

I trust that you will convey my kind regards to Miss Hyde for arranging your visit. Perhaps it might be wise if she can arrange for you to be collected by motor car after your visit as I feel that the state of your backside following your punishment would preclude your returning to school by bicycle.

Yours faithfully,

Mr. J. Whacker, Headmaster, Whackenham School


  1. Penelope, thank you for presenting my rely so nicely. I realise that my proposed punishment is some what beyond the level of traditional schoolgirl discipline but you will have to admit that your fictitious conduct was most reprehensible.
    Certainly I would never need to punish Elaine this severely but unfortunately for her, it has inspired me to dig out my old tawse. I fear the poor girl will soon be feeling the sting of leather over her navy blue knickers.
    I'm very pleased you suggested this little experiment and I hope we can do some more writing together in the future.

  2. Thank you for the kind words, Sir, and please let Elaine know I'm dreadfully sorry for reminding you about the tawse! Naughty Penelope, of course, fully deserves everything she gets.

    I'm really glad you enjoyed our correspondence, and I have no doubt that we'll do something again in the future - I love being told off, for one thing! x

  3. I think it is fair to point out that the punishment proposed does little to clean the wall, which should really be scrubbed and whitewashed. Might I suggest that Miss Penelope do these tasks for 2 hours a day, on a ladder, with her skirt pinned up in front and back, and her knickers flying from the flagpole, as a signal to anyone from the neigboring town (or the nearby boy's school) who cares to come to watch.

    The girls who themselves had to bear the cane for her crime will no doubt taunt her mercilessly, but such is to be expected given the magnitude of the offense.

    When Peneleope graduates later this year, might you consider re-enrolling her in Mr. Whacker's school, to serve her final year again...and perhaps yet again, depending on her conduct?

    How do you like THOSE apples, young lady?

  4. Oh... I don't like those apples at all :(

    I don't want to be stuck in silly old school!

  5. Silly girl? Don't you know that pouting only earns you a good dose of the strap, or, if the fancy strikes me, the cane? One would almost think you wanted to be spanked, and were being deliberately impudent!

    Don't be planning on packing your bags any time soon, Penny. You're going to be school for a long, long time. :-)